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@lana's Thoughts  Hello out there-- those of you who still read and are interested in the "el jay" (live journal). I'm only writing on this for old time's sake and since the topic of my "Live Journal" came up in a conversation with a friend (that's you, Matt!) Anyway, life is swwwwweet right now lol. I really have nothing to say. Yay for live journals and all the thoughts, emotions, and breaking-up of friendships that it has caused! Until next time, or most likely---next year...LATER!! ~@laNa Current mood:  silly.
Ahhhhh! Guess what, journal? Last year at this time was a life changing event (experienced for the second time). It was K-24! It was exactly a year ago today that me and perhaps the coolest group of leaders EVER left to go back to Grizwald. A year ago from today, right now...at 3:19, we'd be setting up and getting ready for all the kids to show up. I can't tell you how I feel right now. I didn't think looking back on the anniversary would bring back so many feelings. K-24 is what turned my struggling life as a senior around. It's what lead me back to happiness, new friends, old friends, and most important of all it strengthed my relationship with God. It's hard to remember the anniversary because I wish I could relive those four days. Those four days is what love and happiness is truly about. I'd give anything to experience it again. I feel that I have changed since I've been at college. Not all the changes are bad, it's just as a person I've seen some differences. One difference is faith. It's not that I'm lacking in it because Kairos truly helped me to strengthen it, but it's just not as strong anymore. I don't have fourth day meetings every Monday night handed to me anymore. I don't have Wednesday night bible study with Fr. Kirby handed to me anymore either. I've learned that I truly am on my own right now with my faith life. I truly have to get up in the mornings now and walk out the door and actually LIVE THE FOURTH. It's up to me to take what I've learned and experienced on K-24 and bring it to life. No one is to blame here but me. I'm determined to bring that peace of mind, love, and happiness even more in my life and everyone around me. It's time to continue living out what I've learned. Yeah, I'm sad that it's the one year anniversary of K-24 and I'm not there, but I'm treating an anniversary like it's a death. K-24 has not died in any means at all. It's still living. It's inside of my heart each and every day, and no one can take that away from me. God bless, happy holidays, and LIVE THE FOURTH! P.S.- It's true...Love is all around. Current mood:  nostalgic.
Wow, is this sad or what? 2 1/2 months without journaling for me...in other words...no "el jay" for 2 months. Let's see, right now I am writing from my lovely single room. Yeah, it's lonely sometimes I'll admit but it's really kinda nice not to have some physco roommate. There's this really nice girl that I met down the hall from me and she has this really odd roommate. I guess she likes to "think" that she can go 5 days without showering. So, I guess it could be worse. It sucks though because everyone that I've met is in a dorm that's about a good 10 minute walk away. So basically I really spend no time in my room. Classes are good though. I really like media studies which totally isn't my major so do you know what this means? Yep, you guessed it! I'm already switching majors probably and it's only been the first week of school! Is it also bad that you already skip doing work on the first week of school? I'm totally not performing to my full potential. College is definitly not the hype that everyone makes it out to be. It's not bad at all. I love it. I miss family back home but I had no desire what-so-ever (ha ha I like that word) to go back for the weekend. Maybe it was too soon...I don't know. Anyway, these are always so boring now. I feel like a bad writer too. I'm gonna go to church now and then who knows. With college there is no time...only fun! (yeah, I made that up. Time to exit now). Read more journals in another 2 1/2 months ha ha. Current mood:  blank.
Hey guys! I haven't written in awhile! A lot has been going on lately. Well, actually not really a lot. This summer has been a lot more boring then I thought it would be. I find myself getting bored a lot lately. But, anyway, I just got back from Las Vegas yesterday afternoon. I watched my oldest brother, Nick, get married. It was a really really pretty wedding. It wasn't one of those wild weddings that you think it would be for being in Las Vegas. It was really calm, the weather was beautiful (89 degrees with slight wind), and it was outside of Ceasear's Palace so it was on a terrance thing with pillars around. It was just over all really pretty. So, I show up at the chapel around 3:00 because the wedding was at 3:30. I go off to this corner outside the chapel and sit on a bench by myself and look behind me through glass windows as I watch a group of girls and a bride get their hair done for a wedding. I sit there thinking "Gosh, my brother is actually getting married today too. I can't believe it." Sure enough, about 15 minutes of quality thinking on the bench, I see Nick walk around the corner. He's in his tux, with his hair all slicked back, and has a huge smile on his face. What do I do then? I loose it. I completely loose it! I'm not one of those girls who cry easily at all, but seeing Nick all dressed up, and the thought of my brother getting married- the one who would tease me all the time when I was little and the one I grew up playing nintendo with all the time- was getting married. My mom comes and puts her arm around me and says "Alana, don't cry or I'll loose it too." I couldn't stop the tears and so sure enough my mom is crying a long with me. Some lady was there taking pictures, it wasn't the photographer at the time, and she gets a picture of me with my arm around Nick but I'm crying too hard that I can't even crack a smile. It was really embarassing because I'm like "that picture is going to turn out stupid with me crying and trying to smile in it." Anyway, I finally make my way to sit in the chapel and I was completley fine. No more tears. Then, the lady playing the violin starts, and the brides maids start walking down the asile and here come my tears again. The violin was just so damn pretty. The receptiion was fun too. A lot of Italian food was there of course and a lot of people. The whole thing was great and I'm really happy for Nick and Erica. So, if you guys are reading this I just want you to know one thing: I love you guys!! Current mood:  happy.
I just had a really great weekend. I know it's Monday night, but I just had to journal about this past weekend....I miss it already! So, I was on the resource team for Quest and it seriously was a great time. I wasn't even excited to go at all, infact I was kinda dreading it and I didn't write my speech until the night before I left, but then I was sitting in school just spacing off and thinking and I realized just how much fun it was this weekend and how I kinda miss it. I never thought leading freshman and sophmores could be so much fun. I only knew one other person on the resource team so I met a lot of great friends. Pat, John, Katie, Luke and Erin...you all rock my world! I think this weekend was good for me. It showed me just how ready I am to go to college next year. I had no problem just making new friends and being myself with them. It was actually so relaxing and fun to have good conversations with the college kids (unlike the stupid, dramatic babies that I seem to be associating with at high school)....sorry for my anger I'm just frusterated with some friends. Man oh man, May 18th just can't get here soon enough. Here's the scary thing..I'm afraid that since I'm wishing for high school to end so fast that I'm not really gonna enjoy it an then I'm gonna look back on it this summer and truly miss it. Ahhh! So frusterating. I hate how things work like that. Anyway, I'm glad this weekend was so good. I think it was just good to get away for awhile and meet new people. It was kinda like starting over with new friends...and sadly I kinda liked that. Is that a bad thing? Current mood:  confused.
Guess what? I actually have stuff to journal about tonite! So, not only was this a long week (since spring break starts this weekend!) but it was also a lonnng learning process we too. I don't know what it was about this week but seems like a lot of emotions were running around. It all started when Mrs. Theire was talking about personalities early on this week. She said that now that we're seniors, we have developed our own personalities and we're not afraid to finally be our true selves which makes us easy to tell apart from each other, since we're all unique. Unlike the freshman and sophmores who are still trying to find themselves and feel like they have to be "molded to be the same" so that they can fit in. By this point in time now and as seniors, we don't care who chooses to accept us or not. By this time we have met the people whom we choose to surround ourselves with and we have made everlasting friendships with true friends. I just thought that was a great "eye-opener" if that's what you want to call it. I guess I like to think about stuff like that. I had another "eye-opener" this week too. It seems like going into this year I had the mind frame that some people don't change and perhaps never will. I used to be a strong believer in that. Then, this week I think I truly found that yes, not only do some expected people change, but the people who you thought would never change or couldn't change actually really do. I think they change more then they show and it's just up to time for us to finallly recognize that change and for the changing person to realize it too. Last but not least, I think I learned something about myself this week also. I learned that I think I'm way more independent than I give myself credit for. I mean, sure it's nice to have people that you can depend on, or a specific person you know who will always be there, but I think I'm also finding that when I was solo I kinda liked it. Like I have no problem with being solo. I guess I figure life is less complicated and less stressful when you're on your own. I think I came to the conclusion that I must be always ready to fly...as in, if I'm not happy I should be prepared to make a change and be on my own since I have no problem being happy on my own. Make sense? It might not to you...I guess this is more like blabbing on for me....this journaling stuff really helps! I can now sleep at peace. NITE YA'LL! Current mood: contemplative.
One month and 6 days later I shall write again!! It's nice to know that my number on fan a.k.a Elizabeth, wanted me to update this so here we go! By the way, Elizabeth gives a shot out to you all! So, it's that time of year again (yeah, golf season starts next week). Last night I went to the golf booster club meeting and I'm so not ready for another season with conlon. I just can't stand her! I don't know what's worse, the fact that she hands out a golf schdule that says Dowling's Girls Golf 2004 or the fact that she had all of last years dates on it. Talk about confusing. I just can't handle her again...she has no idea what's going on! Yeah, so, this week has been a very messed up week. I just don't know why but I get into these funky moods and I'm thinkin it's from really nothing at all. And I feel bad that I get into these moods...they just happen. I want to blame it on the fact that I'm sick of school but it's really not school that's making me get into funky moods. I mean, sure, I'm tired of school just like any other senior is, but I'm noticing bit by bit everyday little things that I will not having next year. Why can't I get out of this weird funk!? If you have any advice please share! Anyway, class gets out in 10 minutes here so I'm gonna go sleep. And that's my life right now! ta ta Current mood: confused.
Wow! It's been forever since I've journaled! I figured I better journal here soon otherwise what's the point of having an online journal? So, let's see...what's new with me? Hmm...tomorrow is the two weeks aniversary of us living in our new house so that's kinda neat I guess. I really like the new house...we're all so separated here though compared to living in our squishy condo. It was funny because last night my mom was all the way downstairs in her room and she had no idea where I was at in the house and so I'm sitting in my room at 10:30 at night and my cell phone starts to ring. I look down and see that it says "home" is calling me. I answer my phone and it's my mom asking me where I'm at in the house and what I'm doing. It was kinda annoying now that I look back at it...she's been crowding me a little too much lately if you know what I mean. It's something I've been noticing lately. Like she'll just come and sit in my room during the evening and chat with me, which is fine, but then she doesn't go away! Like I'll be putting clothes away or doing homework or talking on my phone and she just lays on the coach in my room. Ahh I'm going crazy just thinking about it! I know it's nice to have a loving mother, but I like having my own space, a.k.a-my own bubble and she's invading my bubble! Anyway, winter formal is next week...whoopie doo. I'm not a huge fan of the dances but I have a really fun date so that's what I'm excited most about. Well, there ya have it...my very unexciting life which is probably the answer to why I haven't been updating my journal...I have nothing to type about! I'll be away this weekend so maybe I'll come back with some crazy stories. Be prepared yo! ta ta Current mood:  annoyed.
HOT HOT HOT is all I can say! The Carribbean cruise was pretty fun. I did start missing my friends though and got a little bored at times but the beaches, parties, sun, islands, and food was great. We had the same dinner table every night with the same waiter and we had the coolest waiter. His name was Joe and he was from the Phillipines. He was so sweet and he would occassionlly do magic for us ha ha. His simple magic tricks blew my mind! He was the hardest one to leave behind because he was so much fun to talk to and he was the only guy that has ever offered to cut my meat for me (it was weird having someone cut it I will admit that). Whenever we would order something his only response was "excellent choice" which would bother me because he said it about everything. So, me being the ornery person that I am at times, decided to trick him and see if he was only saying that just to please us or if he really meant it. So when dessert time rolled around, I ordered some kind of werid cake and he said "ahhh excellent choice" and then right when he said that I go "Oh wait, Joe! I mean I want to do the create your own sundea tonight" and Joe didn't say excellent choice there so he must really mean it when he says it. Either that or he's just not a big sundea fan. On the first night of the cruise I decided to check out the teen hang out room to see if I could maybe meet some cool people. I walked in after our formal dinner and they were playing the Dating Game. It was set up pretty cool because there were 6 huge, flat screen t.v's on the wall with just funky patterns flashing to music and then glittery signs saying the dating game and then of course a wall built for the bacholor/bachlorett to sit behind while asking their contestants questions. So, I walk in and sit down and they're asking for volunteers to be a bachlorett. No girl gets up and they are begging people to get up. So I finally just jump up to volunteer but I'm the only one standing up doing it. The instructer tells me to go out in the hallway to wait and then a few minutes later a group of like 10 other volunteers head outside to meet me. The instructer holds a deck of cards and tells us to draw from the pile. She says the contestants will be numbers 1-3. And what number do I draw? Of course I draw number 3. I'm standing there thinking "this should be interesting". Anyway, I sit up there and when asked by the bachlor I say my name is Page and I'm from New York City and I drive an eclipse and I like it a lot. And then the bacholor goes through and asks all 3 of us bachlorett contestants random questions. We each had to take a turn answering the questions and let me tell ya, I made the biggest dork out of myself! All my answers to the questions came out to either be sexual or caused people to laugh. I felt like such a dork. One question was: If you could be any animal what would you be and why? I said this: "I would be a monkey because then I could cling on to or hang on anything I would want." I guess that was kinda sexual cause the crowd mades noises and squeals and then the bachlor laughs and says: "Do you like all bananas?" I'll let you be the one to figure out what you think that means (hint- don't think too hard). Yeah so along with many other questions being asked I must have been somewhat impressive because when it came time for the bachlor to choose who he would like to date he chose number one and I was the one sitting in the number one seat. So I won the dating game and got myself a bachlor along with a really cute stuffed reindeer (that was the other prize given away). My bachlor was okay. He was from California and his name was Thomas. So after the game show ended I stood out of the hallway with a bunch of teens and we just talked about where we all were from and stuff like that which was kinda fun. I met a group of people that night but I didn't really care to actually keep hanging out with them the rest of the week. I didn't see that group of people until 2 days later on the third night when I was walking down my floor around 12:30 ready to head to bed. They were all standing around on the floor and were wasted. I really wanted to just turn and walk the other way but they all shout "Hey, there's Iowa!" and "Hey Iowa, where have ya been?" or "Iowa, your date has been looking for you." Then my dates walks up to me and slaps his arms around me (smelling sick from alchol) and making an ass out of himself. Acutally all of the were making asses out of themselves. All I could think of was "what ever happend to clean fun?" I remember when my brothers and I all went on a cruise 4 years ago we would have a blast staying up til 2 in the morning playing battleship in the movie theater using our bodies as boats since the seats were number. I mean it was stupid stuff like that that kept us entertained. Why have things changed now? It's sad...I guess I'm not that great with change so that's probably why. Oh yeah, by the way, I met the boy of my dreams on one of the islands that I stopped on. It was on St. Martin on the beach (he walks around and sells homemade braclets). His name is Chris, he's so HOTT, very sweet, french accent. He was so much fun to talk to. My mom and I just kept buying braclets from him just to keep him around so he would talk to us ha ha. Anyway, it was cool stopping every day on a different island and shopping around. It was fun laying by the pool or beach. It was fun snorkling. It was altogher fun, but a little too long for me...I was ready to come home. I was sooo happy today was a snow day!! (or better yet- an ice day!). I didn't get home until 2:00 in the morning today and then I woke up at 6:30 for school and heard school was cancelled and I was so excited. This turned out to be a long journal but I wanted to talk about the trip since that's what I've been up to the past week. Oh yeah, by the way, don't let those magazines with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman on them fool you- they aren't reuniting and no, Tom doesn't miss her and want her back. Nicole is happily dating someone else and Tom and her just have a good friendship. So don't worry- Tom is still SINGLE (trust me, I read all about it). It did have good advice in the articles though. Especially one article. It said: Should exes reunite? "If you get together for the right reasons, then the relationship has a really good prognosis. It's not this starry-eyed romantic choice because you know what you're getting into." Hmmm, there's something to ponder. Anyway, I'm off to go eat some pizza for dinner (I do miss my waiter Joe bringing out steak). Then, I'm off to fight the cold and go to prayer group (I do miss the 90 degree weather that's for sure). Ta ta for now!! P.S.- I did see a kick ass magic show on the ship. It was from a guy who does shows in Los Vegas and he rocked! He totally blew my mind! I got his autograph after the show which was cool. He put on the only magic show that has ever made me cry ha ha (his illusions were all to music and it was filled with dancing and sad songs but very effective) One of the songs was Purple Rain by Prince. Just wanted to add that in there. Ta ta.... Current mood: content.
Yeah, so, last nite I entered a chat room for the first time since 8th grade (no joke here) with habbs, e. victor, and A.O. It was actually a lot of fun. Surprisingly, the chat room didn't consist of asking people about their secret crushes (I guess some things have changed since the 8th grade). Although, I did admit my obbession with Tom Cruise if that counts. But, it was still a lot of fun. You might be wondering how a chat room can keep four people entertained for an hour and a half? Well, it's easy...it all comes down to one thing: all four of us are easily amused people! Talking about some of the dumbest and most random things in the world for an hour and a half was the highlight of my nite. That might sound sad to you, but guess what? I had fun anyway! Anyway, I just wanted to share my happiness on breaking my 4 year streak of not entering a chat room. To Chat Rooms! ~Me Current mood: chipper.
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